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Confessions from a Recovering Control Freak

Hello Readers,

This is a blog that I didn’t want to write… however, I feel like many of you will be able to relate to and find it necessary to put things back into perspective. When we hold on to things (control), then our fists are closed. When our firsts are closed, we don’t allow the Lord to put things in our hands.

First I want to start off with defining Control (google search findings):

  1. the power to influence or direct people’s behavior or the course of events.

  2. determine the behavior or supervise the running of.

  3. the power to restrain something, especially one’s own emotions or actions

  4. a means of limiting or regulating something.

Having control is something that I try to control. I like being in charge. I like knowing all the things. I like being able to predict and then execute scenarios and plans. I also get anxious and upset when things don’t go as I plan…loss of control. I also think that I enjoy control is because some of my strengths are responsibility, dependable, and consistency.

I have a gift in organizing chaos. I can bring calm to the storm when I have my superhero cape on the right way … which looks like relinquishing control to the Lord. When I try to do it in my own strength and power is when I run into problems and can even continue to stir up the chaos.

A couple of things that a wise woman (Rynette) shared with me not to long ago are these:

“You don’t have the ability to control the situation or your emotions, but you can control your choices and how you respond.”

“You only can survive when you take control; you thrive when you relinquish control to the Lord.”

This past semester the Lord has been calling me deeper in a lot of ways: intimacy with Jesus, feeling my emotions, and a greater trust in Him, to name a few. In order to trust Him more, I have had to choose to let go on the control, perceived or real, of all the things. It has not been easy. There have been many times when I wanted to turn to old coping mechanisms to numb the pain and stuff down my emotions because I don’t want to deal with the situation. However, I am learning that there is no growth when I do that, and in fact, there is regression, when you avoid those painful situations. When you choose to press into the hard things, several things happen: you are being refined, you are getting closer to being who the Lord created you to be, you are becoming more intimate with the Lord, and more!

So, if you are like me, I challenge you to examine your motives as to why you like being in control and look at how you are using your control to influence others. If you have been given control, how are you using it? Are you using it selfishly or for the benefit of others? When you are leading people, the goal of the collective has to be more important than any individual goals, especially yours.

A few songs that have been encouraging me lately are listed below, feel free to check them out:

Update on Life/Prayer Requests:

  • I still do not know what is next, and CGA ends in less than a week. Prayers for direction (next steps) and patience as I wait on the Lord to make that obvious.

  • I am Fully Funded for my time at CGA!! Praise the Lord! However, I have several classmates who are still in need of funds: Meg McCluskey and Ashley Thaggard are two of my WR team-mates. If you were wanting to give a donation, then you can make one into their accounts .

 

Calling Myself Higher,
Keep Lookin’ Up,
Misha